160 posts! This woman must sit in a recliner all day and do nothing but sleep, eat, read, watch TV and play on the computer ... yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. I wish so badly that the pain would decrease so that I could do something else! I am trying some other pain med schedules but haven't found the right mixture yet. The pain is not too bad today, but I am extremely lethagic.

The boys start school tomorrow so I have been praying today that they will have a great year and will have some great friends. I am not worried so much about Cody, but am a little concerned about my Ryan. He is going to try to ride the bus home. Mom is still here and could pick him up, but we are trying to do things as if she were not as we realize she cannot stay forever!

Cody has always walked home with his friend Jordan and then I've picked him up a little later after I've picked up Ryan at the Middle School. It's worked out great, but since I am still unable to drive, this plan really doesn't work too well. Ryan is having some issues right now with everything in general, so I hate to rock his world further. Please pray that we would have wisdom in making these decisions and the many others that are pending:) We certainly need God-wisdom over the next few weeks and months.

Isn't is great to serve a God that has ALL the answers and is just waiting patiently for us to ask Him the questions? He loves us and yearns to have a relationship with us. When we are weak, He is strong. Sometimes His answer seems to be delayed, but all is intended to ultimately deepen our relationship with Him. Life can go in many directions, but every trail leads to God. We cannot escape our destiny in Him or supersede His ultimate plan in our life. We can fight or we can surrender. It doesn't change the outcome, it just changes the path.

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a beautiful butterfly." Unknown

Today has been a pretty good day. I was not able to go to church this morning because of the pain, but am feeling better this afternoon. I am concerned about being able to make it to my chemo appointments this week since they will be early. I am thinking I may get up extra early to get a jump start:)

I can't believe the Olympics are over. Maybe more time for reading and writing?? The US won 110 medals and there were 43 world records broken in the games. It makes me wonder how many of those talented athletes realize that it is God who has given them their talent and who enables them to do what they do? That would be an interesting statistic!

Truly God enables us all to do what we do each and every day. Truly He deserves all glory and praise for all that we are able to accomplish. He is worthy.

Psalm 112:1-9
Praise the LORD. Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes. He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor, his righteousness endures forever; his horn will be lifted high in honor.

Good news, good news all the way around! How great it is to serve the Lord and to trust in His promises. Guess what? God is going to take care of us ... in every situation, in every circumstance. He is faithful.

It's great to be prayed up inside and out, knowing that I am in the center of His will. It doesn't look all that pretty right now, but I know that I am where He wants me. I can do so little but I am doing what I can and I believe He will enable me as He calls me.

Had a rough day of pain today, but it is "controlled" now (thank you Jesus!) I keep thinking I'm ready to start moving around and doing something other than sit, but when I try, God seems to put me back in the chair:) I know He knows best so I'm continuing to look for what He is showing me and trust in His plan.

I've changed jobs at church so now I am assisting the senior pastor with communications (quite a bit in response to his books and sermons and their distribution as well as pastoral communication with the church body and more utilization of the Web). I think I will enjoy it but am honestly still overwhelmed with the treatment, etc. right now.

I am still wrapping up the medical journal. A few more files to clean out and reports to file, but will generally be finished by the end of the year. This brings up a whole new world for us as a family:) Our income will be cut almost in half. It'll be fun to see how God works this out in our lives. Great news is that He has provided for us in the past and He will provide in the future. I feel that we have been good stewards of what He's given us in the past and I know that we will be good stewards of what He provides in the future.

Isn't it great to face life with no fear??!! I challenge you to choose today to live life without regrets and to live life in tune with God - listening to His every call and acting without reserve. We do not know what tomorrow holds, but we know who holds it, so that fact in itself makes it worth living.

Today is Mom's b'day. Unfortunately I had quite a bit of pain, so was unable to go out but my aunt came over and took Mom out to eat. We also got Mom some gifts and she got some cards (thanks to those of you who sent one!) Hopefully she had a great day.

Please pray for the pain - it has been quite some time since the pain has been this intense. I haven't taken much oral pain med since I got the patches. I am praying that God will remove it and that it is temporary.

Have you memorized all the Olympic commercials yet? I think they need to have a little more variety myself:)

I love those Staples commercials with the "easy" button. Wouldn't it be great if we all had easy buttons to use when we don't want to pay the price or go through the pain set before us? Certainly God does make it "easier" for us in every circumstance, but other times we just have to endure the experience. He doesn't waste the pain though and brings His blessing.

On the other hand, there are quite a few commercials that I'm getting quite weary of (specifically the one where the young man asks for forgiveness and the women pelts him with her purse). Thank goodness that we serve a God who is loving and whose forgiveness is incomprehensible. His arms embrace us when we ask for forgiveness and He remembers our sin no more. What a gracious God we serve.

It's been raining most of the day - most of the week so far. I like the break from the heat, but at the same time it kind of puts a downer on my spirits. It also seems like I have more pain when it is raining, but it's probably my imagination:)

Life isn't always fair - but the great news is that God is. He can be trusted. Chuck Swindoll says that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it. I believe that more now than ever.

I am trying to fix my thoughts on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable" (Philippians 4:8). God is giving me hope and peace in return for which I am thankful. The more I trust the Lord, the more hope I have.

Sure I have hope of a cure, but more importantly hope represents a positive attitude - a realistic positive attitude. I want to overflow with hope that comes from God and in my belief that He is in control and will bring blessing from this situation. He promises that He will.

If Thou has appointed storms of tribulation, Thou will be with me in them;
If I have to pass through tempests of persecution and temptation, I shall not drown;
If I am to die, I shall see Thy face the sooner;
If a painful end is to be my lot, grant me grace that my faith fail not;
If I am to cast aside from the service I love, I can make no stipulation;
Only glorify Thyself in me whether in comfort or trial, as a chosen vessel meet always for Thy use. excerpt from The Valley of Vision, Year's End

Tough words to read and write, yet there's a consolation in them. This book is a collection of Puritan Prayers and Collections and is full of very foundational and deep thoughts. I pray that my heart would have such resolve.

I am praying this will be a week of healing as I have no appointments and as I prepare for chemo next week. I am hoping to feel well and to get out some. Wednesday is Mom's birthday so I'm hoping we can celebrate in some way. The boys start school next week so we are trying to get them prepared.

I have had some pain and digestive issues today but am thankful for God's continual peace and His constant love that surrounds me. I am blessed in so many ways. God is using His people to minister to me.

We made it to church this morning. The boys are a big help most of the time:) The service was great and it was great to see some people. I woke up with a little pain this morning - please pray that the patches will continue to work and that the pain will remain under control. I talked to John a few minutes ago and he is on his way back from Arkansas so it will be great to have him back home tonight.

Time continues to march on. My prayer is that I am using my moments to draw closer to God and closer to those around me. It is amazing how simple life really is when you get back to the basics. There is urgency, but it is urgency surrounding the things that really matter.

We are all here such a brief time in the big scheme of things. We are but a speck on God's big canvas. I pray that we would make our "specks" count for Him. It really is true - whatever is done for Him will last - the other things will fade away.

Love your families - love those God puts in your path. Some will be there for brief moments while others will be there for a lifetime, but we have the power within us to make a difference in the lives of each one.

I've felt really good the last couple of days. I am so thankful to have an appetite again and to get off some of the meds. I am also able to stretch my hip a little more the last few days, so I am feeling good about that. I pray that God continues to heal my body and give me strength. I am casting my cares on God and trusting in Him to take care of all that pertains to me.

I am praying that God will continue to strengthen me so that I can be strong for the next round of chemo. There are certainly days when I struggle (you get to read about them all) but for today I am rejoicing.

Thank you for your visits, emails and comments on the blog. You are being used by God. I am amazed at how many people are following the blog. I originally wanted to write it to keep everyone informed, then it turned into therapy for me - never dreamed it would reach so many people (many of which I have never met).

Even when we doubt, God doesn't waste pain and He uses us in times when we think we can offer nothing. I don't know what His plan is, but I know He will be glorified and that is my heart's desire.

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall.
Psalm 57:22

It's been a good day. John is leaving this weekend to go to Arkansas to his niece's wedding. I am so disappointed to not get to go, but will certainly be there in spirit. Meredith holds a special place in my heart. I was reading in Psalm 51:10-12 this morning:

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presernce or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.

This is my prayer today that I would have a pure heart. There are so many thoughts and desires that I have that I believe are my own and not necessarily God's. I pray that I would lean wholly on God and in that He would give me incredible joy to sustain me.

I want so badly to be healed - I want so badly to walk again - I want to badly to serve my family and friends once again. God has done mighty things in my life and in my heart and my desire is to live in (and literally walk in) this new light He has given me.

I pray that my desires are pure and that He would ultimately be glorified in the days ahead, whatever they may look like.

It's been a good day for the most part. I had a little bit of a rough morning, but some friends came over this afternoon and so things improved tremendously:)

I heard something this morning about the whole opening ceremony at the Olympics and that the little girl that sang was actually lip syncing to a song sung by another 7-year-old that they determined wasn't cute enough for the performance. It's bothered me ever since I heard the story.

Isn't like just like our society - to worry about how we appear? Way too much credit is given to the appearance and way too little to what's behind the appearance. I sure hope that I can really learn to be more and more genuine and can really be all that I appear to be. Authenticity is so important.

I'm still watching a lot of Olympics and trying to gain weight and think about getting the boys back into school and into a routine. It's a bit challenging as they've pretty much run wild all summer:)

God is good. I am thankful for His many blessings. There is much to be thankful for.

Left this morning planning for a short doctor's appointment and got home at 7:30 tonight! My potassium, sodium and some other things were low so they put me in the infusion clinic and pumped fluids all day. I've been really tired and my counts are low, but no mention of blood transfusion this time. We have to be on contant germ watch. The plan is to do another round of chemo in two weeks (of course that's the first week of school) but we will follow that with scans and hopefully great reports.

I was struck today with how busy the cancer center is. It seems you are the only one dealing with this but when you spend so much time at the hub, you see how untrue that is. Of course I feel like most everyone there is dealing with their illness better than I (they generally aren't having weight loss issues and seem to be unfettered by chemo/radiation schedules more grueling than mine and they aren't hampered by mobility issues). I just hope that somehow I am able to minister to them in someway.

Do you realize how important grace is our lives? Were it not for the grace of God, where would we be? Waking up in the morning is a gift - every breath we take is a gift. Were it not for the grace of God, we would certainly be overtaken by so many threats around us...gravity, germs, you get the picture. How can we set ourselves pious in any way? It is so easy to see that our lives should be nothing but constant praise to God and humility before a God that loves us so much.

We had a great visit last night with some friends from Wichita Falls, James and Jeanie. We had some great discussion and they prayed mighty prayers for me. What a blessing.

The discussion that spoke to me most was when we were talking about how the only reason we are here on this earth is to be Jesus to those around us. Sums is up, huh? We are so busy in our lifestyles and have so many commitments that I think we can forget that.

Do you realize that God brings people across our path everyday who will not hear the gospel unless we share it with them? What about just the love of Jesus? Do we take every opportunity to reach out to those in need?

It really made me think. What made me think even more is that I believe that God wants us to get out of our comfort zones. Sometimes we feel so good about what we are doing for others, not even realizing that we are doing it for the wrong motives or that in reality it costs us little.

Our God is a God of sacrifice. When Jesus was here, He could have lived in royalty and could have lived for the praise of the people. Instead, He made himself nothing (in human eyes) and humbled Himself even to a cross.

What would happen if we lived our lives that way - if we chose to live for others and humbled ourselves in every way? What a different society we would be - what a different church we would be.

With the olympics, I think about the Christians in China and others around the world who live knowing that their faith could cause their death and who give up "all" for the sake of the gospel. We know nothing of that.

I pray that God would change my perspective and attitude that I would truly live life for others and not for my own pleasure. I pray that God would continue to teach me humility and how to be Jesus to those around me.

Long time no write - I know. The chemo round has been extremely tiresome. One of the drugs they used also makes me extremely confused so that has added another dimension to the process. I finally found strength to get my laptop out today and so here I am.

In reading my email today, I found some great words:

If you have a need at this moment, look first to the Giver, not to the gift. It was Moses who said, and Jesus who confirmed, that "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" (Deuteronomy 8:3; Matthew 4:4). It is His Word that sustains us. The sweetest reminder of God's good provision for us is the gift of His living Word, the Bread of Life. Don't look for anything sweeter in life until you have tasted Him.

It made me think - am I looking more towards my healing than I am towards Him? I think I do at times. I really need to seek Him and appreciate all that's good around me right now. There are good things: more time to spend with family and to write for sure:) I understand that after the chemo and radiation I will see life differently (knowing what's important in life, becoming more of a "take advantage of the moment" person than I have been before!)

Hopefully now and in the future, I will understand more and more that I need to look first to the Giver and truly seek Him each and every day. I believe I will be able to in ways that I've never been able to before.

Today I read in Psalm 46 (take time to read if you have a minute!) I did not remember until I got to the end of the chapter that "Be still and know that I am God" was the first scripture verse I ever heard my sweet husband quote. We were in a Bible study together years ago and I remember Him quoting this as part of our study that week. We were both still single (probably not even dating seriously!) This would have been some 24 years ago. God is faithful. His promises are the same yesterday and today and in the future. We serve a mighty God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

My prayer today is that I would be full of love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Such grand goals. I want to walk in these precious gifts that God has given to us as believers.

Life is full of choices: to choose to walk in God's provision, to choose to make decisions that would be God-honoring, to choose to live a life that leads others to want to follow Christ. Serving God is a precious gift. He offers so much to us that we could never experience outside of His love and His grace.

For example, I have a lot of pain today, yet I have this incredible peace. I keep thinking that every breath gives me opportunity to breath in His healing and every exhale gives me opportunity to release pain and sickness.

I'm ready for the Olympics to start so there'll be something on TV:) There is really not much on right now - lots of really silly "reality" TV. I wish I enjoyed reading a little more, but even if I did, the pain drugs really prevent me from "focusing" on reading for too long. I'm catching lots of sports and HGTV.

The doctor's office called and they want me there at 7:30 am every morning this week and want me to plan on being there all day long:) I will go back on Saturday for a shot. So, I am looking forward to a couple of weeks of the "unknown".

Please pray that I will be strong and will be able to complete the treatment and that the side effects will not be excessive or have long-term effects. You are a blessing to me. I am humbled by God's grace. He has a plan.

Wow - can't believe I haven't written in a few days (and no complaints??!) Well, it's been a busy few days. I think I'm overcompensating a bit because I'm thinking I could be down for a few days very soon:)

Friday afternoon we went to Walmart so I got to ride one of the wonderful little carts. We are quite a production wherever we go. The boys are so cute getting the wheelchair out and taking turns opening doors/carting me around. I am surrounded by quite an entourage when we go out. Anyway, we wheeled the wheelchair in and then I transferred to the cart and then we did the reverse on the way out. The greeter said "honey, you can take the cart to your car " - of course I told her that it said not to take the cart outside of the store:)

Saturday I had a little battle with nausea. I'm still fighting the pain battle. Sure seems like the patches should be doing more than they are, but I will call the doc tomorrow to see if we need to make adjustments again. Last time during chemo, the pain subsided quite a bit, so we'll see what happens this time.

Today we went to church and then went to eat Mexican food - yeah finally!! As normal, I filled up on chips and hot sauce and had little room for the entree, but ate the rest tonight for dinner (with a little help from John:) We had an awesome visit with the Turners this afternoon - we always feel like we could never spend "enough" time with them:)

God is good. He has blessed us with so many wonderful friends and such a loving family. I am "helpless" in so many ways yet God has provided in every way. I am humbled beyond words and certainly wonder what the future holds, but am trusting God. Everyone has been so gracious to me and to my family.