It's a good morning. God's grace and faithfulness to me are new this morning (as they are every morning)!

Kids are great aren't they? They have unbelievable faith. Some of you have shared that as your family is praying for me and as God answers, your kids just act like it's no big deal. They just believe that if they pray, God will answer. Good news comes as no surprise to them. They just believe.

Oh I wish I had that faith. I certainly believe God CAN heal - I've seen him do it on earth but sometimes He's chosen to heal "on the other side" of this life. There is that fine line between having faith and knowing that God is in control. Regardless, all He asks us to do is believe, pray, then receive.

I admit I usually receive, then believe. Not that I don't ask believing that He CAN, just don't know if He WILL. Oh God, help me with my unbelief! Thank goodness my God is gracious. I admire those of you who have believed from day one that God is going to remove the tumor completely without intervention. You are like Noah who built a big ole boat in the middle of a dry desert and saved his family when the rest of mankind was destroyed. You are like the woman who believed if she could just touch the hem of Jesus' garment she would be healed.

I do believe that He is working all things for good. I do believe He is good. I do believe He loves me. I do believe He supplies all of my needs. I do believe He is in control. I do believe He is the God that heals me. I do believe He is able to deliver me. I do believe.

Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain 'Go, throw yourself into the sea' and it will be done. If you believe (#1), you will receive (#3) whatever you ask for in prayer (#2)".
Matthew 21:21-22

So, keep believing and keep praying ... not just for my situation, but for our homes, our churches, our country. We must hold fast to God and to His promises. We must become people of great faith and believe that God can and will accomplish His work in our lives and in the lives of those around us.

I know it's against the rules to blog twice in one day, but it can't wait until tomorrow:)

The pathology came back today and it is a Class I (low-grade) tumor. Surgery is scheduled for Monday. They will remove the diseased part of the hip and will do bone grafting to replace the lost bone (curettage and grafting for those of you in the medical community). They will not do total hip replacement. Chances for having to have a blood transfusion have significantly decreased. The hospital stay and rehab will be significantly shorter than anticipated.

On another note, Ryan came home sick from school today so John took him to the doctor. It is just a sinus infection - so we are relieved that he is not contagious. My dad ended up going back to Waco today but mom is going to stay. He will probably come back this weekend sometime.

THANK YOU for your prayers. Hopefully we will all sleep a little better tonight. Do you know that my God is BIG, I mean really BIG?

The Lord will give strength to His people.
The Lord will bless His people with peace.
Psalm 29:11

I am not in charge here... if I were in charge, I would have predicted this, I would have prevented it or at least gotten everything in order so that the battle could begin. I would have thought through every scenario and done all the research and I would have a plan. Not only would I have had a plan: I would have pulled all available resources. Execution of the plan would be in full force by now ... complete with atmosphere, ambiance and coordinated decor. There would be few stones unturned, few i's undotted, few t's uncrossed and most questions answered. The boundaries would be established, the roles of everyone clearly defined and the final outcome well within my sight. I might even have delivered the final product to you with a pretty bow on top of it (by 2:00 am or so).

Now back to reality - I am not in control! But guess what? Neither are the doctors or the circumstances or the disease. And the same God that has enabled me to do anything I have ever accomplished in my life is still in the driver's seat. He's got the map - I'm just along for the ride.

I didn't sleep much last night, so I had plenty of time to think of you and this is what God told me to tell you: You are not in control either. If you have surrendered your life to Him, He is in the driver's seat. You no longer call the shots. As much in control as you think you are or He enables you to be, you are not in control.

If you have not surrendered your life to Him, do it today. There is a joy and a peace awaiting you that you will never experience outside of Him. You will never find contentment and happiness without Him. Give it up - you are not in control:)

I am not my own, I was bought with a price
I was purchased with the precious blood of Jesus Christ
All my debts were paid by His sacrifice
Hallelujah to the Lamb who redeems my life

(Chorus of the song "I Am Not My Own" by Marty Nystrom)

When my friend and pastor, Bruce, called the night before surgery I told him "this is where the rubber meets the road!" That remains the story of my life right now. Do I believe what I have been faithful to proclaim to others my whole life? Do I believe God can heal? Do I believe He can heal me? Is He really all that I need?

YES. YES. YES. and YES.

Will He heal me on earth? I DON'T KNOW. For that matter, I don't know that I'll wake up in the morning. I don't know that I won't be in a car accident the next time I ride in a car. I don't know if a soup can will roll over me on grocery aisle 16 (ever see the first Stuart Little movie?) Sorry - had to lighten up a little.

I do believe He loves me ... I do believe He heals. I do believe He is all I need. OH and I do believe in miracles (did you watch Eli last night??!) Not every moment of my day is filled with optimism - I do have my moments: ask me what I said to my brother as they were prepping me for surgery (under slight sedation I might add). I am feeling stronger now than I have most of the day. Thank you for your love and your prayers.

O Lord, You have searched me and You know me
You know when I sit and when I rise, You perceive my thoughts from afar
You discern my going out and my lying down, You are familiar with all my ways
Before a word is on my tongue, You know it completely O Lord
You hem me in - behind and before, You have laid Your hand upon me
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, You are there. If I make my bed in the depths, You are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea
Even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to You, the night will shine like the day
for darkness is light to You. Psalm 139:1-12

Another beautiful day... I had my first real "pity party" last night since this all began. Spent a little time boo-hooing about not being able to get out and around and wondering if I'd ever be out and around again ... and lamenting about not being able to play in the worship band today and not getting to go to Cody's game yesterday or out to eat or shop ... PATHETIC! PITIFUL!

OK I'm over it:)

I set up my Facebook today - that entertained me for a couple of hours. I've been wanting to do it for a long time but have plenty of time to do such things right now. I've been listening to a lot of music - God is using music to minister to me in a strong way. If you want to go to itunes, you can listen to a clip of "Here In the Shadow" by Shannon Wexelberg or "Abba Father" by Klaus Kuhn. Great stuff. I'm reading a book called "Grace for Tough Times" by Mary J Nelson. I'm listening to your phone messages and reading your emails...over and over again.

Where do people go when they don't turn to Christ? That baffles me. I am a strong person...were it not for the grace of God in my life, I guess I would turn to me (but that option would definitely have limitations). I guess I could rely on my friends and family (which I am doing plenty of...but though they may try, they cannot bring peace or ultimate healing to me). I guess I might rely on my status or my money (neither of which I have a lot of, but if I did) - those certainly would have limitations. Where do these people go and how exhausting would it be to get there?

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Mercies and God of all comfort, who comofrts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5

People may make plans in their minds,
but the Lord decides what they will do.
Proverbs 16:9

What a beautiful day. I have the recliner right in front of the window so I can see outside. I slept really well last night. Getting stir crazy already. And life goes on ... people still are going to work, going to parties, having fun while I'm in "time out":) Yet, God is good and He is continually blessing my life in so many ways.

Mom and dad have been here since last Sunday. They plan to go home for a few days this week and then will return towards the end of the week. John has been able to work some this week and will work most of next week except when we go to the doctor on Friday. The boys are continuing with their routine (thank you to mom and dad and others who are making that possible!)

Ryan went to a birthday party last night - mom and dad took him. It was at the Trail Dust Steakhouse. I have heard rumors that he actually danced (OK stood) on the dancefloor, but he is denying all allegations. Cody had two basketball games this morning. He made six points! Some of our friends videotaped the game, so I look forward to seeing it in a few days and reliving the proud parent moment:) Tonight, John, my dad and the boys will go to a Tornado Hockey Game in Frisco with some of their karate friends. They plan to go to church in the morning too.

We're planning to watch the Super Bowl. I can't decide who I want to cheer for. As some of you know, I am a huge football fan. I wanted the Cowboys in the game, then I changed over to the Chargers, now ... I don't like the Giants, but I do like Eli Manning, and generally cheer for the underdog - so I think I'm cheering for Eli.

Thanks for your love and your prayers. The scripture below was sent by my friend, Klaus (another amazing worship leader!) http://www.klausmusic.com/

The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1

Wow - it's been a whole week - feels like eternity! I am feeling pretty good today. A little sore, but not bad. They did a "stab" biopsy ... nice, huh? Those orthopedic guys like trauma produced by weapons and power tools:) The anesthesia made me ill, but I think the effects are waning. They shaved my leg and put some sort of glue stuff and apparently some iodine on it as well (not sure why the whole leg needed it) but anyway... I have a nice tan on that leg but they didn't do a very good job of applying it evenly (apparently they don't know the finer details of successful self-tanning!)

I am extremely relieved that there are no other tumors. That is a huge load off of my mind. Keep praying - God is answering your prayers. Thank you to those of you who were in the waiting area yesterday. I understand that you guys had a lot of fun at my expense but most of all that you had a huge impact when you stood, held hands and prayed for me. What a testimony to the other people in that waiting area. I am truly humbled and blessed by your intercession on my behalf.

I was telling someone yesterday that my philosophy on death has changed (don't let that alarm you - I'm not going anywhere anytime soon as far as I know:) Just last week I said I'd rather die than have pain or disability. In that vein, I've always said I'd rather die suddenly than suffer. I've changed my mind...thus far, this has been a truly life-changing experience. Temporary pain and disability aren't that bad! And I would hate to die suddenly and not be able to experience the love I've felt from all of you over the last few days. Perhaps the words aren't spoken often enough or perhaps I have been too busy to hear them:)

Next, let me apologize to those of you who are not sleeping well ... it's all my fault. When I toss and turn and think about possibilities and probabilities and feel afraid, I do two things - I pray and ask God for His peace and I ask Him to awaken others to pray. I'll soon be stronger and won't ask God to wake you:) Thank you for your prayer and your intercession. I am truly blessed. You are a very important part of my healing process.

Some of you know that my favorite Christian songwriter/worship leader is Shannon Wexelberg. She came to our church about four years ago for a Night of Praise that I will never forget. If you get a few minutes, visit her website and listen to some of her music. One of my favorites is "You Are My Refuge". I've put the words to the chorus below:

You are my Refuge, you are my Sanctuary

When I feel afraid, you're my Hiding Place

You are my Refuge, and when the storms are raging

Underneath Your wings, I rejoice and sing

Oh, underneath Your wings, I rejoice and sing

You are my Refuge www.shannonwexelberg.com